Sunday, May 6, 2012

CAPTCHA: Why Do You Hate Me?

I remember a simpler time when the worst thing about spam was how to get it out of the can. Apparently, it's a much bigger problem now because every time I try to do anything online I get hit with a CAPTCHA. It stands for "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart" and it was designed to cut down on SPAM (flooding the internet with copies of the same message). It stops software programs from abusing services and minimizes automated postings to blogs and such. 

You've all seen them. That tiny box of fuzzy words that you have to type in to virtually everything nowadays. It's sole purpose is to prove that you're an actual human being to complete your submission. Wonderful.

Here's my problem:

I'M HUMAN AND I CAN'T TELL WHAT THOSE WORDS ARE!


Let me give you a window into the hell that is my life. Just this morning, I was downloading a picture to use for an article and I was hit with this CAPTCHA:

CAPTCHA
Okay, this is no problem. It looks like "i" then.... wait, is that an "o"? I think it is. What if it isn't? I don't want to get this wrong and have to retype my information. 
Hang on, they have a little recycle button just to the right of the submission box. Let me hit that and get new words:

Huh? Why are those numbers are upside down? Do I type them in that order or am I supposed to flip them and type them in the other way? Hang on, let me get a new one:


Whoa! What's that inkblot on the right? How do I.... is that....... am I supposed to type that? Im really confused, this is starting to feel like a Rorschach Test. 
Wait, there is a little speaker button there! Will that let me HEAR what I'm supposed to type? That's perfect! Let me hit that button....







 *SATANIC-BACKWARDS-MASKING-EVIL-IS-UPON-US-I-HEAR-DEAD-PEOPLE!!!*


OH MY GOD!!............... That was a HUGE mistake!!............................Let's just stick to the letters! 

*hitting the recycle button again*
 

Come On!! I don't even know what language that second part is! Do I even have a key on my keyboard for that?? NEXT!




ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?? What the HELL is that?! That's not even a word, its a PICTURE!! Is that a building?? Do I type in "building"?? Why is it so out of focus and why are they showing me pictures?! NEXT!!

STOP!! I can read it!! YES! Oh dear Lord thank you.... Thank you!.... Stay right there, let me just type that in, 'passage toniets'.....

"Incorrect security code entered, please try again"


Wait, what?? Oh God no... I typed it in wrong! I had the perfect CAPTCHA and I blew it! I BLEW IT!! Please, please, please.... I'm begging you, give me another easy one. I won't ever talk bad about CAPTCHA again if you just give me one more easy one..... pretty please......

*Hitting recycle with my eyes shut*





........... I so hate you right now......................


Daniel Batal is a Remodeling Contractor and owner at Focalpoint Renovations


My Zimbio
Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

8 comments:

  1. I felt your pain trying to join a Diesel Truck forum the other day. I like the new ones that have you watch a commercial, then at the end says "type in the following words: 'All New Chevy Volt' ".

    Wait. What? You can make money off of captcha now? I gotta look into that....

    ReplyDelete
  2. *Deep breaths*.... I've bottled my rage. I didn't even know there was such a thing as associate marketing in CAPTCHA, let me know what you find.
    By the Way, I know Adam Foster very well and he runs one of the BEST Snowboarding forum websites available. If you are into strapping any sort of board onto your feet and want to know everything there is to know about the places you can do so, I strongly suggest you visit his site @ TheSnowBored.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. OMG!

    I know this.
    Good post!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have not had the guts to try the Audio VeRsioN

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know what are you feeling =O
    My favorite captcha is this: http://yitsushi.posterous.com/wtf-ez-milyen-captcha-most-komolyan-irjam-be
    I watched for a while and laughing...

    ReplyDelete
  6. How do I get my comment thru the spam filter at this alternative news site? http://usahitman.com/aytyo/

    I was going to tell them that in the 60s TV commercials used to only last 5-10 mins tops where today they last half the TV show on whatever you're watching and it says this when I hit post. "Spam Free Wordpress nonce security check failed." What the fuckity fuck? I didn't see no security check. What the hell are they smoking?

    It also says 15,000+ spam comments removed which I think are actually legit comments not able to get thru the heavy spam filters.

    The site claims to be about freedom for the people but their comment section is totally opposite. I have NEVER seen such a fascist attitude towards commenting.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I hope you're not offended by me posting a link but it is related to this topic about spam captcha as I want to know how to get a comment thru.

    I actually feel like going out and punching somebody randomly in the face because of this but I know it will send me to prison where I will get worse then spam captchas.

    I wonder if that's why there is not ONE single comment on their site due to their being no letters showing up?

    ReplyDelete

If you're planning on dropping a link, be thoughtful about your comment or it won't be posted.