CAPTCHA: Why Do You Hate Me?

I remember a simpler time when the worst thing about spam was how to get it out of the can. Apparently, it's a much bigger problem now because every time I try to do anything online I get hit with a CAPTCHA. It stands for "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart" and it was designed to cut down on SPAM (flooding the internet with copies of the same message). It stops software programs from abusing services and minimizes automated postings to blogs and such. 

You've all seen them. That tiny box of fuzzy words that you have to type in to virtually everything nowadays. It's sole purpose is to prove that you're an actual human being to complete your submission. Wonderful.

Here's my problem:

I'M HUMAN AND I CAN'T TELL WHAT THOSE WORDS ARE!

Let me give you a window into the hell that is my life. Just this morning, I was downloading a picture to use for an article and I was hit with this CAPTCHA:

Okay, this is no problem. It looks like "i" then.... wait, is that an "o"? I think it is. What if it isn't? I don't want to get this wrong and have to retype my information. 
Hang on, they have a little recycle button just to the right of the submission box. Let me hit that and get new words:

Huh? Why are those numbers are upside down? Do I type them in that order or am I supposed to flip them and type them in the other way? Hang on, let me get a new one:

Whoa! What's that inkblot on the right? How do I.... is that....... am I supposed to type that? Im really confused, this is starting to feel like a Rorschach Test. 
Wait, there is a little speaker button there! Will that let me HEAR what I'm supposed to type? That's perfect! Let me hit that button....

 *SATANIC-BACKWARDS-MASKING-EVIL-IS-UPON-US-I-HEAR-DEAD-PEOPLE!!!*

OH MY GOD!!............... That was a HUGE mistake!!............................Let's just stick to the letters! 

*hitting the recycle button again*

 

Come On!! I don't even know what language that second part is! Do I even have a key on my keyboard for that?? NEXT!

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?? What the HELL is that?! That's not even a word, its a PICTURE!! Is that a building?? Do I type in "building"?? Why is it so out of focus and why are they showing me pictures?! NEXT!!

STOP!! I can read it!! YES! Oh dear Lord thank you.... Thank you!.... Stay right there, let me just type that in, 'passage toniets'.....

"Incorrect security code entered, please try again"

Wait, what?? Oh God no... I typed it in wrong! I had the perfect CAPTCHA and I blew it! I BLEW IT!! Please, please, please.... I'm begging you, give me another easy one. I won't ever talk bad about CAPTCHA again if you just give me one more easy one..... pretty please......

*Hitting recycle with my eyes shut*

........... I so hate you right now......................

Daniel Batal is a Remodeling Contractor and owner at Focalpoint Renovations



Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net